


5 times the Avengers got hitched

by wobblyheadeddollcaper



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Commitment, F/M, M/M, Weddings, not-weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-05
Updated: 2012-06-05
Packaged: 2017-11-06 23:59:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/424640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wobblyheadeddollcaper/pseuds/wobblyheadeddollcaper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Weddings are not all in big churches and everyone does marriage differently.</p>
            </blockquote>





	5 times the Avengers got hitched

Mr Clint Barton + Ms Natasha Romanov  
******************************************

“Are you going to wear white?” Clint asks.

Natasha raises an eyebrow. 

“Of course not. What was I thinking?” The only time Clint has seen Natasha wear white is that one mission in Iceland, and that had been strictly for camouflage purposes. Who knew people even made ice bases any more?

Clint wasn't sure why Natasha had a). said yes to his spur-of-the-moment proposal and b). decided to plan the wedding now, as in, mid-firefight, but one of the things about sleeping with the Black Widow was that you learned to be flexible. Oh, and able to adapt quickly to unforeseen situations –

“Two on your eight!” Cap's voice crackles in Clint's ear, and he double-checks that his comm isn't broadcasting.

“You want any family there?” Natasha asks. 

Clint pauses to consider. “Absolutely not.” He doesn't return the question, because he's not stupid.

“I was thinking of a quiet ceremony.”

“Quiet like 'dead men tell no tales' quiet, or -” God help him, she actually looks like she's considering it.

“We have a lot of enemies. It would simplify security arrangements to keep it off-books.”

“If there's no paperwork or witnesses needed, we're pretty much married already. Hell, we've even swapped blood.” Long story, involving a couple of missions with what Coulson called 'sub-optimal completion tactics' and emergency transfusions. Natasha nods as if she's decided something.

“Well, I'm glad we sorted that out so easily. Cover me.” It takes Clint a couple of seconds after she vaults over the burned-out car to work it out and start smiling. 

 

***********************************************

 

Prince Thor Odinson and Dr Jane Foster, PhD.  
***********************************************

“TONY!”

Tony definitely does not choke on his mouthful of cereal as Jane storms into the kitchen.

“Doctor Foster!” he says, all wide-eyed innocence with a dribble of milk working its way down into his beard.

Jane stands in the doorway, folds her arms across her chest, and leans into the wall. Tony is strongly reminded of Pepper.

“You've been telling Thor more complete lies about Earth marriage ceremonies, haven't you.”

Tony thinks hard for a moment. “Was this last night? Because-”

“I know it was you, Tony. Only you would throw in the part about prenuptial sex toy calibration.”

Tony starts surreptitiously counting the exit points.

“And mandatory nudity.”

“I just think Thor's nudity is a beautiful thing that should be shared with the-”

“And the oil," she says, walking slowly up to his chair, "and the goats, and the seven-week-long preemptive honeymoon.”

There is a charged pause. Then she flings her arms around him.

“Thank you so much.” she says, and when she pulls away she is grinning like only someone with full access to a naked, oiled God of Thunder can grin. It slips a bit as she adds “Although not for the part about the goats. That was awkward.”

Tony blinks a couple of times. “Mazeltov?”

The grin returns. “Thanks.” She turns and strolls out again, calling over her shoulder, “Unrelatedly? There's a goat in your workshop now.”

There's a resounding crash. Tony flails so hard he nearly falls off his chair and runs towards the stairs.

 

***********************************************************************************

 

His Royal Highness Loki Laufeyson of Jotunheim and Asgard to Tony Stark, mortal.  
***********************************************************************************

“I shall bind you to me for the length of your days, Stark. You shall obey and honour me alone.”

“Is the white dress really necessary? I'm secure in my masculinity – ask anyone - but it's kind of tight. And revealing.” The shackles are also tight, but Tony suspects Loki already knows this and so doesn't bother to complain.

Loki glares at him. “Who are you to question the ancient ceremonies and rituals of binding?”

“Don't I get a hen night?”

“A what?” Loki surreptitiously leafs through the magical tome – which bears a strong resemblance to Brides Magazine - on the altar behind him. “It is no bar to our union, as I had no stag night. Your mind and body will be mine.”

“Wait, what?”

“Enough! I shall hold thee in sickness and health until thou diest.” Loki grinds out, his eyes full of malice.

“This is one weird spell.” Tony mutters. “Help! Shotgun wedding in progress! I do not! I'm too young to get married!” 

Mjolnir shatters the window, followed by Tony's favourite god-slash-alien.

“I declare the existence of an impediment! Cease this witchery!” Thor booms. Loki shrieks in rage and vanishes abruptly.

“Get me out of this church, Thor, and call 911. I think the pastor's about to have a heart attack.”

 

****************************************

 

Dr Bruce Banner (and) the Incredible Hulk  
****************************************  
Bruce doesn't like to talk about it. 

 

****************

 

Tony and Steve  
****************

It takes a little time for them to get it together. To be precise, it takes five averted apocalypses and three presidential kidnappings for Tony to ask Steve out in a last-ditch attempt to get rid of his 'inappropriate and one-sided crush-type situation' by humiliating himself beyond repair. He didn't actually expect Steve to say yes and he definitely didn't expect him to put out on the first date. Sometimes being wrong is awesome.

“Apparently he got around in the war, 'cause he had some serious moves - None of this goes in the best man speech, Rhodey. I will reprogramme your armour to chicken dance incessantly. I will get you drunk and tattoo bad things on you.”

“Sure you will.” Rhodes says affectionately.

“It's like you don't believe me.”

“Love has mellowed you – and that is going in the speech.”

Tony shrugs in agreement. 

“Steve doesn't like people knowing about his sex life. None of that in the speech. If you want to embarrass your uniform and all the guests with my indiscretions then by all means -”

“Relax, Tony. You'll be fine.”

“This night-apart-before-the-wedding thing sucks. I keep thinking of stuff to tell him.” Tony picks at the label on his root beer bottle. He still, occasionally, wants something stronger, which is why the mansion is dry in the run-up to the wedding.

“Hey, Tony. James.” Steve walks in. “Missed you too, Tony. Figured that tradition is kinda obsolete at this point, so.”

“Steve.” Tony smiles. “Get me a root beer?”

“Sure.”

“Marry me?” Tony asks every couple of days, just for the thrill of hearing Steve say 'yes' again and again.

“Yeah, okay. Is tomorrow good?”

“Tonight, if you want.”

Rhodes makes fake vomiting sounds behind his hand and Steve blushes.

“Whatever, Rhodes, take your jealousy outside.”


End file.
